How does the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde relate to Spousal Abuse?
This story is about science and human nature. Dr. Jekyll is a kind, well respected, intelligent scientist who interferred with the darker side of science. He does this to bring out his ‘second’ nature. But during this process, he transforms himself into Mr. Hyde who is his evil alter ego. The psychiatric term for this condition is “split personality”. I referred to my husband, Tom, many times during our marriage as a Jekyll/Hyde personality.
Not knowing what your partner’s mood is going to be, literally, from one minute to the next is exasperating, not to mention mentally abusive. Tom and I could be having a civil conversation and if I asked the wrong question, the demeaning lecture would begin. For example, we were driving to our cabin in Cherry Creek, NY, when it began to snow. I was just making idle conversation and asked “Do we have snow tires on the truck”? His reaction was a 10 minute lecture on the fact that I had driven the truck many times and he did not understand how I could not know we had all weather radials. He proceeded to give me another lecture on my lack of attention to detail. That simple question was an opportunity for a verbal assault. If I ever tried to defend myself, the tongue lashing would last longer. Mr. Hyde was alive and well.
If he was in a “mood”, he would look for reasons to lecture me. Sometimes he would open the refrigerator door and find some ridiculous excuse to go into a tirade. That’s right-the refrigerator. Reasons for a verbal attack were-All ice trays should be filled to the rim, freezer area should be spotless, smaller products should not be placed on a tall shelf, no frozen meats should have freezer burn- and on, and on, and on.
Living with Tom gave a whole new meaning to stress. Getting blindsided by one of his “attacks” was humiliating and depressing. My daughters and I did everything we could to keep the peace but it just did not matter. Tom could be laughing and congenial and in the next breath start yelling about whatever. And the same thing that set him off today, would not faze him tomorrow. There were no set rules of logic that we could hang our hats on. It was like living in a “mine” field.
When you are in an abusive relationship, your entire life is a series of responses to your spouse, boyfriend, etc. IT’S ALL ABOUT CONTROL-NOTHING ELSE.