The term “gaslighting” is used to describe a relationship in which one of the parties, the “gaslighter” exerts power via manipulation over another. Gaslighters frequently use certain techniques to achieve making you think you’re the one that’s crazy so that they can continue abusing you. Gaslighting is often done so subtlety, slowly, and methodically that the damage is often already done before the target figures out they’ve been victimized.
Gaslighters intentionally lie, and they do so boldly and brashly. They can lie with a straight face as they tell you something they know you don’t believe. Once they have told the lies, they know you’re not sure if anything they say is true. This is designed to throw you off, make you wonder why, and slowly chip away at your guard and judgment.
Everyone Else Is A Liar
Anyone that disagrees with a gaslighter’s philosophy is an automatic liar. From that point on, those people’s thoughts have no validity or truth. This is to isolate you from the competing ideas of others and those who might help you. When you’ve abandoned competing relationships, the gaslighter is now free to disrespect and abuse you uninterrupted.
They Deny, Deny
You’ll find that gaslighters are equally audacious in their denials as they are their lies. They’ll say or do something and then turn around and flat out deny it ever occurred. They’ll make promises and then vehemently deny they ever even had the discussion with you.
Their Actions And Words Are Inconsistent
This leaves you to constantly question their behaviors and motives. It’s a maze that you’ll never reach the end of. The more you try to understand, the more lost you get. And, they’ll keep you trying with professions of love that are totally perplexing considering the actions they take that hurt you so much.
They’re Psychological Vampires
Through subtle, and routine application, gaslighting sucks all your energy away. It’s the lie here, the degrading remark there, the chip to your confidence today, and the crack in your perception tomorrow that all add up to you becoming too tired to fight the vampire literally sucking the life out of you. Those already suffering from energy-draining depression and low self-esteem are easy and quick targets for gaslighting relationships.
The Anti-villain
Gaslighters aren’t going to be the evil villain 24/7. Part of their plan is to keep you second guessing everything. They will throw you a bone of kindness every so often. And, sprinkle random acts of love and kindness so that partners lose their emotional balance from the times of meanness, humiliation, and cruelty. You may get praised for a wonderful meal only to, minutes later, be degraded because you didn’t clean the stove properly.
Experts at Projection
It’s your fault, not their fault. You’re the one doing the evil deeds, not them. When your anger, discontent, or questions arise, they always have some outlandish excuse like you’re the one cheating or you’re the one that’s being crazy.